I’ve been having a really hard time talking to people.

At the record shop it’s easy. Those conversations are usually the same for pretty much anybody that walks in. But those really aren’t conversations. More often than not I’m telling people what a band sounds like, even though we have plenty of listening stations. Or I could be trying to up-sell them, “If you like this band, you’ll really like this one.”

But I’m not doing so well when it comes to talking to people face to face about anything besides music. If I’m not in the shop, I’m not talking about music, and therefore I usually don’t say much. I think it’s a combination between not knowing what everyone is talking about [my pop culture knowledge is almost at zero], having too many thoughts running through my head, not wanting to say anything in fear of sounding stupid, or just complete and utter disinterest.

My mind had been occupied lately and I can’t really seem to concentrate on anything else. So if you’re reading this and I bump into you on the street at some point, please excuse my half-sentences and mumbling. It’s not you.

Days like today make me want to go to City Park and just hang out with all the twisted branches and Spanish Moss. It’s crazy how big some of those trees have gotten. I wonder if they were planted purposefully or if they just happened to sprout where the seeds landed.

Then I wonder how things in our lives happen at just the right moment out of sheer chance, like they were meant to be. Or if certain people make it a point to enter into your life because they know you’re having a hard time and think they can help.

I’d like to see how this all plays out for Shine.

I want to say “Poor Shine,” but part of me thinks he deserves it sometimes.
I mean, he rags on me for not being able to get laid and then has trouble ordering himself up some pink taco.
Whatever, at least he actually tries.

Maybe he’s just trying too hard. I certainly know what that’s like.

There was this girl in grade school that I had been asking out for years until I told myself, “This is it, if she doesn’t say yes this time, I will never bother her again.” So I asked her and she said, “No. Besides, aren’t you like 20 years older than me?”

HA! Just kidding.

No there really was this girl I liked when I was growing up. I must have asked her out a couple hundred times.
I would constantly daydream about our date. My mom would have to drive the girl and I to the movie theater or the roller skating rink in our blue van. We would both be sitting in the back on the bench seat and I would reach over to hold her hand, but I know I would be too afraid to touch her with my mom sitting less than three feet away. We would get dropped off at the girl’s house and I would walk her down the path to her front door. There we would kiss… Oh, I would send hours thinking about just that one kiss…

My fantasy always ended there. I had no idea what to expect on a real date and I had no imagination. Hell this was all before Junior High! I shouldn’t have even been thinking about going on dates. I was much too young.
I would always find a way to be around her, be in the same places she was, doing the same things. That’s how I ended up volunteering at the local library and having my picture [next to her and two other girls] in the local paper for excellence in amateur Japanese flower arranging. I would do anything and everything I could to get her attention and show her that I was a good guy. I got stuck doing a lot of things I had no interest in.

So yeah, on our first day of 7th grade I told myself that if she said “no” this time it would be her loss and I would never ask her again.

She was always really sweet about everything. She kept telling me that she wanted to keep on being friends and I would say that it was OK. What I really needed was for her to tell me that I was being a complete asshole, that I was bothering her, that I should have listened to her the first time she said no, or that if I asked her again she would send her older brother to kick my ass… or all of the above! That would have been helpful. Maybe I would have figured out some Life Lessons a lot earlier and wouldn’t have as many psychological problems as I have today.
In any case, that first day of 7th grade she said, “No.”

And that was it. I never asked her again. I gave up and don’t think we even said 10 words to each other for the next 6 years.

I suppose it was lucky for her because it was 7th grade that my social life really started to go down hill. And what girl wants to date a guy who gets made fun of and beat up in gym class?

From Writhe’s journal:

I’m all for blood and gore in movies and TV shows. I can totally handle it when I know it’s fake.
But when it comes to the real thing, I can’t really stomach it. Other people’s blood is icky.
Like in the freakshow performance I just saw. It was a nice change of pace watching something a little different and something you don’t see every day. But seriously, I think that the whole suspension thing has got to stop being put on as as performance art. Hanging semi-motionless for 10 minutes with meat hooks shoved through your chest muscles is not something I consider exciting. It’s more of a personal thing that should be done in the privacy of your own home or with a group of close friends. The act of being suspended is by far more exhilarating to the person with the hooks in them than the people in the audience.
Plus I’ve seen it so many times that I find it boring.
C’mon! Do it different! Do something else that hasn’t been done before!
I’ve seen far too many suspension/belly dance/fire spinning/burlesque performances lately.
Maybe I’m just getting too old.

I’m all for changing it up a bit now and then, but I really don’t like Boo’s hair right now.
I’ll keep my mouth shut unless she specifically asks me. I don’t want to hurt her feelings.
I think I’ve learned at least that much about women.

Who wouldn’t want to go to Germany? I mean, c’mon, that’s where most of the really good music is made! maybe I should try to go during Wave Gothic Treffen…

Ah, who am I kidding. I can’t afford to go overseas! I’ve never been able to save over $500 at one time in my entire life! Whenever I start to save any amount of money it seems like something comes up that requires all of my available cash, like emergency visits to the dentist [even though I don't have a mouth]. It’s a never-ending cycle of paying off my outstanding debts, saving a little bit of cash, starting to feel good about having something to fall back on, and then immediately needing to fall back on it.

How the hell can I get ahead in life? I can’t get a “real” job because I’m too weird and besides, there aren’t very many “real” jobs to be had around here. I don’t want to work in the service industry because the hours are long and the pay sucks. I don’t know how to code or do any of that other computer-related stuff that seems to be in high demand. I can’t get a reliable job as an “artist” because I don’t want to paint French Quarter scenes or hang my work on the fence at Jackson Square.

Ugh. This is pointless.
I’m never going to get anywhere… or go anywhere.

And I also added a new section for YOU, the FANS! I dug around in some of my old files and pulled up some images to share with you. If you have any more for me to add, feel free to send them my way! I’d really like to build this section out with photos of people wearing my shirts, showing off their Writhe and Shine tattoos, pictures of happy fans receiving their books and stickers, and showing their skill with Fan Art!

Click on the FANS link in the Menu bar above!

I’ve been running all over town trying to promote some of the upcoming shows at the Bastille as well as the the new releases at Achtung Records. I unfortunately got a lot of sun riding my bike up and down a bunch of streets going to every café or cool store I could think of to drop off flyers and hang up posters. I feel kind of guilty going in to some of these places and not buying anything, but I’m really broke right now. Ah, it’s cool though. Most of the time I let them leave flyers at the record store for their events.

It’s kind of funny how some places are really good about tossing all the outdated advertisements and some others just let things pile up. I went into one place today that had a flyer area so stacked up that if I had put mine on top everything would have come crashing down. I decided t take a few minutes to clear a shelf so that there would be space. Turns out that only three of the things were current, everything else was SO OLD! There was a flyer in there from 2011!!!

The douchebag behind the counter was going to yell at me for throwing out other people’s stuff but I showed him that it was all out of date and he thanked me for cleaning it up. Whatever. He should do his own job.

In any case, I hope all this promotion turns into something. I have to close the shop when I go flyer during the day because a lot of places have the same business hours. I feel like I should be at the shop even more in case someone decides to drop by, but I also know that some promotion needs to happen. I have to do it all and it never seems like I’m doing enough.

If I had a super power it would be really good at anything I attempt. I wouldn’t be Gold Medal/best in the world at whatever I tried to do, just Olympic Team good.

I’m just really tired of not knowing what I’m supposed to know in order to get something done. I hate that I have to learn a new program or coding language every other day just to keep the record store going. I want to keep it well stocked with the most current music in the scene and in order to do that I have to keep researching and listening… which I don’t mind at all. Hell, that’s the best part of the job. The thing is that it takes time and concentration. I need to pay attention to what I’m listening to. But when I’m doing all the ordering, reports, keeping the website up and running, filling orders, and helping customers, I can’t get 5 minutes to listen to a track. I have to do that in my spare time at home… away from all the distractions. Heh, all the distractions that keep me employed and fed.

What I’m saying is that it’s difficult to run a business based on something you love.

Boo always says, “You can either throw a party or have fun at it, not both.”

It makes me wonder where Shine gains all of his insight. He may come across as a crass, uncaring jerk, but sometimes he just really gets it. I never ask him too much about his personal life before he moved to New Orleans. I can’t remember ever talking to him about his family. He never mentions his childhood or where he grew up. He takes things day by day not looking forward too much.

All I can assume is that he has learned some hard lessons… Lessons that he won’t let me go through the difficulties of learning.

I need to thank him for that some day.